


Could we learn to live right?

by littlelooneyluna



Category: Emmerdale, robron
Genre: Established Relationship, Five years from now, M/M, Moving On, cheating discussions, little bouts of fluff and angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-18
Updated: 2017-03-18
Packaged: 2018-10-07 06:25:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10354131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlelooneyluna/pseuds/littlelooneyluna
Summary: it's been five years and triggers still get in the way of their happiness.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys :) this was another prompt I received on tumblr. So the thing is ... I'm not leaving the fandom, I'm not deserting my passion of writing for the sake of what was shown and what will probably still be shown throughout the weeks. Did I hate what happened? Yes. But does that mean that I hate robron? No. This fic is just an idea, at the moment I don't really have a solid idea about what I want to happen for robron but I wouldn't mind them having a break, sorting out their issues together and properly. 
> 
> Enjoy <3

The pub’s packed for some reason and Aaron’s thankful that himself and Robert were able to bag a table in the corner before everyone piled it. It’s quiet, secluded where they are sitting and Robert’s holding his head underneath the table. 

It’s what they do now, they’re soft and unspoken and it’s all gentle until they don’t want it to be anymore, until they find the nearest bed to get passionate and wild in.

  
“Ya wanna go out tonight?” Aaron asks, turns his head and looks at Robert.

  
Robert still has this look in his eyes, it’s weird, it makes Aaron want to cover them and just get a straight answer.

  
The look still says: _Really? Are you sure?_ and it reminds Aaron of the way Robert was when they found each other again, when their worlds couldn’t help but collide and the whole ‘break’ idea became too harsh on their hearts.

  
Aaron swallows, knows that Robert will forever feel guilty, feel apologetic but he doesn’t want to see it. “I wouldn’t ask if I wasn’t sure.” Aaron adds, sees the way Robert looks down in surprise at how easily Aaron can read his thoughts.

  
Robert nods then, he manages to smile and then he’s edging a little closer to his husband, he’s still your husband, you lucky -

  
“Stop thinking.” Aaron says quickly, rubbing a circle around Robert’s palm and then looking up at Robert.

  
“How about we see a film?” Robert says, shifting his tone of voice and desperate to be lighter about all of this because yeah maybe today is an off day and he feels like the same scumbag he did all those years ago but - he won’t let it ruin what they have now, this.

  
Aaron raises an eyebrow, “Yeah?” He pulls a face quickly. “Uh well not Avengers 3.0 or whatever it is that I saw on the telly last night. No way.“

  
Robert playfully gasps. “Have you not seen the reviews?” He questions but Aaron just shakes his head. “Fine, I’ll have to take Liv then.”

  
Aaron scoffs, “She’s back from that Art course thingy like next month mate so you’ve got a long while to wait."

  
Robert shakes his head and laughs before he sights Pete and Leyla walking towards them.

  
"Alright?” Aaron nods towards them and they smile back before Pete goes to get them some drinks.

  
Leyla settles in the seats opposite Aaron and Robert, looking a little glum.

  
“You alright or -” Robert says, abrupt and Aaron has to chastise him with a little tut.

  
Leyla shakes her head, “Nothing. I just - Pete brought up marriage today."

  
Aaron clears his throat, doesn’t really know what to say because Robert’s become quite good friends with Pete and to extension Leyla whereas he isn’t that close with him at all really.

  
"Why don’t I go help Pete.” Aaron stands and let’s go of Robert’s hand as he does so, it makes Robert wince a little before he tells himself to grow up.

  
“What’s wrong with that?” Robert asks her as soon as he sees Aaron talking to Pete at the bar.

  
Leyla leans closer and then bites her lip, “Nothing. I mean yeah it’s good but -"

  
"But what?” Robert asks, squinting a little in confusion.

  
“What if I mess it up?” Leyla questions, eyes a little wide. “I mean he knows what sort of girl I am.” She looks embarrassed and Robert doesn’t like it.

  
“Well what’s that supposed to mean?” Robert says, a little angry about how his friend sees herself.

  
“I cheated with Jai didn’t I. Couldn’t help myself. He knows all of that and still wants to -"

  
Robert swallows hard and looks over at Aaron. "Sounds like Aaron.” He says slowly and then he sees them walking back over with drinks.

  
Aaron shoots Robert a look because he knows something has changed in the air but Robert just shakes his head and tries to start talking to Pete about something else.

  
Pete seems happy too and it’s not long before he’s getting a little worse for ware and not so tight lipped.

  
“Did Leyla tell ya about our conversation?” Pete spills as soon as Leyla gets up to go to the toilets.

  
Aaron stares a little blankly at him but Robert nods.

  
“Marriage? Yeah she did, I think it’s nice.” Robert says, downing the last of his pint.

  
“Let’s hope she don’t cheat on me n'all if we do make it up the isle.” Pete slurs and Aaron’s heart rate increases a little. “I don’t think I could do that again you know.”

  
Robert swallows hard, knows that he’s speaking about Debbie and his disastrous wedding day but it still tugs at his heart just a little and he realises that Aaron’s not holding his hand anymore. It breaks him.

  
“I mean once is enough, _twice_ , nah it would kill me.” Pete says into his pint and then he clears his throat. “Hears hoping it’ll be plain sailing though eh?"

  
Robert just about manages to raise his empty glass and tilt it a little, Aaron looks at him, he sees that his hands are shaking a little.

 

-

 

Aaron and Robert are too tired to do anything but lay there in bed. Aaron’s turned, looking at Robert but his husband has his eyes up towards the ceiling like he can’t bare to even turn towards Aaron without being eating up by guilt.

  
"Robert.” Aaron whispers into the dark and Robert turns towards him finally, gives him this little look that breaks Aaron’s heart.

  
“Will you always hate me?” Robert finally says, his chin wobbles a little and he thinks back to when he first told Aaron. It rips at his heart over and over again.

  
_**“I don’t love any bit of ya, I hate ya and I always have. Deep down I’ll always hate ya for everything you’ve done to me, so thanks for adding another reason to the list. Now get out.”** _

  
It was said out of anger, in haste, in spite of everything Aaron felt at the time.

  
Aaron lifts his head and looks at Robert, he can’t believe it’s been five years since it all happened, since he had his heart broken by Robert again and then had it mended once again by the same man.

  
Robert has tears in his eyes and Aaron’s hesitant to touch his face but he does, he’s soft and slow with his movements and then suddenly their noses are bristling past each other’s and Aaron’s stroking the back of Robert’s neck.

  
“I could never hate ya.” Aaron whispers, takes everything in him not to fall apart a little at how much Robert needs to know all that still. They’d been to counselling, proper counselling and they’d said everything and anything they needed to but Robert still clung onto to all the bad.

  
“You know I love ya too much to really hate ya.” Aaron adds before allowing Robert to look up at him. He looks like a little boy all of a sudden and Aaron holds him to his chest.

  
“I hate me. I still do Aaron, I hate myself for what I did to ya all those years ago.” Robert struggles to catch his breath. “And I know we’ve moved on, I know we’re happy but -"

  
Aaron sighs shakily and feels Robert break around him.

  
"I just - I just hate myself.” Robert adds, feels like he can’t say anything else because that’s the only truth in all of this.

  
“After all this time?” Aaron whispers, combing Robert’s hair. “Rob, I know tonight threw you off but -"

  
"But nothing.” Robert interjects. “I’m still the lying _cheat_ Aaron and - and you’re the bloke who stayed with me. You’re gonna wise up one day and _leave_ for _good_ just like ya should have done all those years ago."

  
Aaron knows it’s an off day, he knows that Robert’s feel down and guilty even more so than usual because they’ve been here before. Last week it was Aaron himself being extra snappy for no reason after hearing a debate about whether it’s right to forgive a cheater. They have their days, they do.

  
"You remember how long it took me?” Aaron whispers to Robert and the older man nods against him. “I wanted so badly to forget you but I couldn’t, because what you did -” he holds his breath, feels sick a little just thinking about it. “It broke me yeah but - but it didn’t take away anything from the man I loved. It should have but it didn’t."

  
Robert frowns, looks at Aaron like he’s mad or something.

  
"It didn’t take anything away from the bloke who stayed up the whole night with me after I told him about - about him. It didn’t take anything away from the man who stepped up and cared for my little sister when she made his life a misery."

  
Robert looks away, feels so unworthy that it aches all over.

  
"Robert, I made the right choice.” Aaron pushes out, looks at their wedding rings as they hold hands tightly.

  
“I fucked up so badly, I don’t know how you even trust -” Robert’s shaky, feels like he’s regressed back to the mess he was five years ago and he’s forgotten all the good memories they’ve made since everything was discussed between them.

  
Aaron leans forward and kisses Robert softly. “It’s hard.” He admits eventually as he pulls away. “It’s hard but - forgiving you was _right_."

  
Robert knows they’ll never be perfect, he knows that he’s been forced to be more honest than ever before and yeah it’s hard to be like that but also just so pure for him.

  
He’s honest about everything, they have these arguments over nothing and he sees the way Aaron looks at him as if to say _are you going to leave me again now?_ and it all just stops.

  
Nothing seems to matter because Robert knows that he’ll spend the rest of his life proving to Aaron that he did make the right choice, however guilty and horrible that makes himself feel inside, he’ll fight through it all and be the best husband he can be for Aaron - _his_ Aaron.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked the angle I took with this. For me, Robert's guilt is something that needs to shine through all of this. It's what I think was very present in this fic.
> 
> I know that it's all negative and so sad at the moment but if anyone wants to have a word with me then pls don't hesitate to send me a message on tumblr @littlelooneyluna. Or just have a look at the amazing fluffy fics this fandom have to offer. 
> 
> Xx


End file.
